A short list of issues I can't seem to solve in no particular order of importance. I used the YT video linked below mostly for my settings but didn't change everything mentioned leaving things opened up a little more. I put my notes of the video at the end of the post.
The default settings are already chosen to be the best values for most people. Strongly suggest that you factory reset the device and follow our official guides. Avoid changing a bunch of settings and trying to set things up via unofficial guides. You don't need to do any of that. It's already usable out-of-the-box with perfectly good defaults. You want Google Play, so simply install sandboxed Google Play from our app repository client. You press install and wait for it to finish install. If you want to sign into an account, open the Play Store and sign into an account. There's nothing else to it. You've made it far more complicated than it is. It's the same as using it on the stock OS after you install it.
Can't read a USB connected drive. There was setting to allow device to control USB device that wouldn't work
USB drives work exactly the same way on GrapheneOS as the stock Pixel OS with the same partition table and filesystem support. Either use the legacy MBR + FAT32 or the modern GPT + exFAT (recommended). Formatting the drive with your phone with either the stock OS or GrapheneOS is an easy way to get a working setup.
Can't add a Google account. Clicking add account in APP or accounts setting does nothing. I did download "play games" some of the Google play choices were a little confusing.
Google Play Games has nothing to do with this and isn't needed if you're not trying to use apps depending on it (many but not all games from the Play Store). You can sign into an account by simply opening the Play Store and signing into an account. Adding an account there will also work, but you don't need to do it that way.
https://grapheneos.org/usage#sandboxed-google-play
You need to install either the Google Play Store or Google Play services from our app repository client (Apps). Open up the Play Store and sign into it. That's all.
Can't import contacts so I can use them in phone etc.
You can either use the functionality for importing a VCF file from the Contacts app menu or use an app for syncing contacts and grant the required permissions (Contacts) to it. You can use Google Play's contacts sync if you want, but you don't need to do that. You can do it manually or use any contacting syncing app. It's the same as on the stock OS other than not having Google Play preinstalled and it not having permissions granted to it when you do install it. This functionality works fine on GrapheneOS with sandboxed Google Play since it doesn't inherently depend on privileged access.
I know a these need a lot more info for help but I am venting (mostly) now but sure would like to make this work.
Seriously considering going back to stock android and doing the best I can for security unless someone can talk me off the ledge.
Factory the reset the device and avoid changing a bunch of settings or following unofficial guides on installing things. It's unnecessary and is overcomplicating things. Simply start from a fresh GrapheneOS install, install sandboxed Google Play by pressing install in the app repository client and start using the device. You don't need to use obscure methods for installing things and don't need to change a bunch of default settings.
Seriously considering going back to stock android and doing the best I can for security unless someone can talk me off the ledge.
USB drives, signing into a Google account for Google Play and contact import/export/syncing work the same way on the stock OS. The only difference for 2 of those is that GrapheneOS doesn't have privileged Google Play built into the OS but rather you can install sandboxed Google Play with a single button press. The sandboxed Google Play menu explains how to optionally grant certain permissions to have functionality like contact syncing working. There's no need for an unofficial guide and unofficial ways of obtaining apps, etc.
From what you've described above, you were using an obscure and potentially unsafe way to obtain apps instead of simply installing sandboxed Google Play from our app repository. Open Apps, press Google Play services, press install and approve installing. There's nothing else involved. You do not need to obtain anything manually. You do not need to do anything special to sign into it. Open the Play Store and sign into it.
You need to start over, and this time avoid the unofficial guides overcomplicating everything. It's not hard if you don't make it hard.