I have the same problem. My Pixel 8a running GrapheneOS won't connect to my 2009 BMW E90/E91. The error message is exactly the same as zebster's.
From the BMW's MAC address, I've determined that it uses a Bluetooth chip from the French manufacturer Parrot, but that probably doesn't help much.
Pixel 8a, GrapheneOS (latest version)
Error message: “Communication with 00:0E:9F:3D:06:0E is not possible”
BMW E91 2009, Bluetooth MAC 00:0E:9F:3D:06:0E
Pixel 5 and Samsung Galaxy Flip 7 with stock OS pair without any issues
It looks like a issue has already been submitted:
https://github.com/GrapheneOS/os-issue-tracker/issues/7388