monkey i was asking generally if a FOSS sms/dialer application's devs could look at your texts/calls
For SMS, yes. If you install a 3rd party SMS application with network access, it could theoretically share messages with the developers.
For PHONE, NO. A 3rd party dialer could share call logs, but could not share an actual copy of the audio data. This is because of how the audio data is routed on Android. In order for a dialer application to have access to the actual audio data (typically for the purpose of call recording or transcription), it has to be installed as a SYSTEM APPLICATION (i.e., part of the system image). An installed dialer application cannot access this data.
The Dialer and SMS applications included with GrapheneOS are from upstream AOSP, with a few fairly minor modifications (the upstream dialer has no call-recording capability, which was added to GrapheneOS dialer). These applications have had so many eyes on their code that you can feel very assured that there is nothing nefarious added into them. Further, since those applications are part of AOSP, they carry the same level of trustworthyness as the REST of AOSP, and if you don't trust that, then absolutely NO version of Android can be trusted, since EVERY Android is a derivative of AOSP.
Feel free to audit the source code yourself if you're THAT paranoid.